Marcus Wood

Welcome (?) the new style Conservative Party Conference.

We will have smoothies, fruitcakes and many varieties of nuts in Bournemouth this year -no, this is not the delegates I am talking about; but the refreshments.

I have been going to Party Conference since about 1998. Mostly the conference is an orgy of excessive drinking and eating, usually until early dawn (most politico's are nocturnal). Conference debates don't get going until the afternoon to allow everyone time to recover, daytime staple diets are lashings of coffee, large fried breakfasts, alcohol (from about 11.00 am in some cases) and copious portions of fried fast food.

Apparently, this is all over. According to my insider this year it's all health and wellbeing - even the debates, which will begin 'fresh and early' at 9.00 am.

The entire conference agenda is dominated by social action initiatives and topics with sexy hip titles like "Healthcare 2020" , " sustainable agriculture", "women and the environment", but actually which seem to be talking about banning lots of things - a worry for Libertarians like me.

Usually we get the odd free pen some lapel badges saying things like 'EU -NO Thanks!' or "LORRIES NEED ROADS!" and the offer of a blood pressure check but this year I am expecting to be given a peace flower, or a kaftan.

The party Chairman even emailed me "our fruit smoothie bar will be on hand to spread a bit of goodness and well-being throughout the conference." Mmmm , great!

Luckily everything I have been invited to that I want to actually go to is happening after dark in licenced premesis.

And Bournemouth still has an all-night kebab stall.